the nurse inserts the cannula, i say ‘thank you for not hurting me’.
my mate thinks i can’t accept help. over the phone she says ‘you won’t let anyone take care of you, you want to do all the caring, that’s not fair’.
s comes over to my apartment, we eat vietnamese food. i look tired, my body aches, she wants to give me a massage. when her hands touch the back of my neck i think of my mother, i don’t know why. she rubs my shoulders and i cry a bit. a small part of me thinks i don’t deserve it, is ashamed of needing anything from anyone outside of myself. the loudest voice inside my head says ‘take the love, why won’t you take the love?’
“Nobody can teach me who I am.”
― Chinua Achebe
snow from dorm window
unknowingly collecting masks